What's on my Mind


What is and what shall never be.  Love is gained, love is gone, love is lost over yonder.  One thing remains the same.  You.  You never change.  You are always the person you were.  You will be that person forever more.  Nobody can change you.  Not me, not you, nobody.  You will always be you.

I don’t know what that was.  I don’t know where it came from.  It must have been bottled up inside me for some inexplicable reason.  Some pent up emotion that I didn’t know I had.

Nobody ever changes.  As much as you may change your outside, who you are on the inside will always be the same.  I’m the same person I was as a kid except that kid has grown up.  That kid has matured.  That kid is no longer a kid.  He has the same immature tendencies that a kid has.  He still feels like being a kid sometimes.  But I, speaking both in the first and third person as I can see, sees everything through an adult eye now.

I have more responsibility than I had whilst I was a child.  That does not change me as a person.  It accentuates my personality traits that I’ve had since I was five.  My mind is still just as imaginative, just as immature, just the same as it was, so many years ago.  My exterior has changed.  It has grown up.  My mind has as well, but my mind is also still the same as it was.

If my mind didn’t have the childish tendencies that still remain, I might slip into insanity.

That all said, I remember back to the days I was young and think of all the stupid things I did.  Why did I do those things?  I’m past them.  Yet I still do stupid things similar to those.  Why have I not learned to be a better person?  Why have I not moved beyond some of the childish things that aren’t good for me?  Why do I still act that way?

That is a totally different child mindset than the one that keeps me sane.  There are two sides to a childish mind.  There is the good, immature playfulness of the child.  Then there is the immature bratty side.  If I could get rid of the latter and keep the former, life would be all the more easy.  Life would be fine.  I would be better off.  Yet I can’t.

I can’t change myself.  I can try.  Maybe I can prove myself wrong and actually change.  We can hope, can we not?

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