Not Awkward


A Twitter follower asked me to make things less awkward.  I’m going to try to make things less awkward.  Let’s see how less awkward I can make things.

Sometimes I pee in the shower.  I’m not going to beat around the bush there.  I’ve done it.  It saves me having to flush the toilet.  The shower water can wash it all away, plus, if I hit myself, I’m in the shower and can just wash the urine off.  I don’t poop in the shower though.  That would be a mess that I wouldn’t want to deal with.

I’ve once participated in a failed drive-by mooning.  I was in the back seat of a van when we all decided that the guy in the passenger seat would stick his ass out the window at some pedestrians.  As he pulled down his pants and placed the cheeks to the outside, the driver sped up.  Until about ten feet later when we had to stop at a red light.  We couldn’t get away from the now angry pedestrians.

It would really hurt if I got my penis stuck in my fly.  The zipper closing on any of the skin in that region would be enough to make me cry, that’s for sure.  I might get traumatized so much that I would only wear sweatpants from that point forward.

As much as I will always enjoy my trip to Quebec City in grade 8, I will always despise what happened in my hotel room.  Sure, we had fun for most of the time.  We jumped on beds, accidentally broke the phone, watched Tampa Bay win the Stanley Cup, and watched people make each other pass out for fun.  The biggest problem was that one of the three other guys in the hotel room felt it was funny to poke people in the ass with the television remote.  I don’t think any of the rest of us wanted a remote in the ass.

I hope that was less awkward for you, Twitter follower who complained about awkwardness.  This was made for you so that you could have a not awkward blog entry to read.

Comments

  1. UnknownNovember 1, 2011 at 7:31 PM

    cute, and not awkward.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousNovember 1, 2011 at 7:59 PM

    This was incredibly awkward. For all of us.

    ReplyDelete
  3. JurassicGriffinNovember 1, 2011 at 8:19 PM

    Awkward, not awkward. There is no maybe.

    ReplyDelete
  4. LoopyNovember 2, 2011 at 9:52 AM

    Bahahahaa
    There's something about Mary, just saying :P

    ReplyDelete
  5. DanNovember 6, 2011 at 9:28 AM

    Does the 'remote in the ass' guy now live in Greenwich Village?

    ReplyDelete

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