Leprechaun

There are horror movies that work on a level deep down inside your emotions.  They attack you psychologically and leave you thinking long after the film is over.  There are horror movies that make you jump with scare after scare of people coming out of nowhere.  There are horror movies that attack you physically, making you feel sick because of what you are watching take place on screen.  There are also horror movies that don’t work on any level and leave you wondering why they even exist in the first place.  Leprechaun is one of the horror movies that falls into the last category.

Leprechaun stars Warwick Davis as, you guessed it, a leprechaun.  He is coming after the main characters because he wants his gold back.  Can the main characters fight him off?  Or must they give him his gold?  Also in the movie is Mark Holton, of Teen Wolf fame.  By fame, I mean he was one of the two friends.  How can I forget who makes an early career appearance in this movie as what I would say is the main character?  Jennifer Aniston is in this one.  That makes Leprechaun all the more better, yes?

No.  It does not.  Nothing could save the horribleness of Leprechaun.  From the bed acting to the bad editing to the bad writing, this movie is the equivalent of a chihuahua’s turd that has been sitting out in the sun for a week without drying out.  After Teen Wolf 2 and Leprechaun, it’s no wonder Mark Holton disappeared.

Let’s start with the first thing that is wrong with this movie.  It isn’t scary.  At all.  And it’s horror.  There’s something wrong.  It might have to do with the concept itself.  In your head, a Leprechaun that will kill to get its gold back might sound a bit terrifying.  Then you think about what a leprechaun looks like, paired with the clothing, and add in the fact that he speaks like “I want me gold!”  It seems like a joke.  Oh crap, I left out the part where he is addicted to shining shoes.  That’s fairly important to the plot in one or two scenes.

How many times did they have the Leprechaun on or in something with wheels, then speed up his travel while everyone goes normal speed?  Wheelchair, miniature car, other miniature car, tricycle...I can’t remember if the roller skates were sped up or not.  Anyway, they did it too many times.  It looked terrible every time.  Why they did that so much, I don’t know.

To end the movie off, it all led up to a kid yelling the line “Fuck you Lucky Charms!”  The movie did not even earn that line.  The line would have been fairly awesome in any other movie but when your movie blows as much as this movie does, the line is better than you.  It’s not even a great line.  It would have been a good one liner in a better made movie though.  I don’t know why I’m complaining so much over one line.

They only good thing that I can say about this movie is that it helped bring Jennifer Aniston around.  As much as some of you may not like her, Friends wouldn’t be the same without her, Office Space would be different without her, and...well, I kind of like Management and all of us that know that one know that she was in it.  Movies would be a different place.

Now it’s time for me to fend off suicide as I watch Leprechaun 2.  It’s going to be tough.  I’m sure the sequels aren’t even up to the standard set by the first one. By fend of suicide I mean that they’ll be so bad I’ll want to kill myself.  I do not mean that I’m contemplating suicide.  Do not fear for your loss of me.  Do not worry.  I’ll surely be back.