Cruel World

Every once in a while you find a movie.  This movie is terrible.  You know that but you are entertained.  This movie is so bad it’s good.  That is not the case for Cruel World, a movie which starts off bad and gets worse and worse as it goes on.  The bad is never good.

Jaime Pressly shows up in this movie for about ten minutes.  She plays one of the dumbest characters in the movie.  Edward Furlong is the star of the movie.  He doesn’t have Ahnuld to play off of, so he shines in all of his over-the-top, annoying voiced, shitty glory.  Then there are a bunch of other people, the most notable having been in Hurt Locker as one Renner’s teammates.  The movie is about a guy, played by Furlong, getting revenge on reality tv in a murderous way because he wasn’t selected on a Bachelorette type show.  Yes...he wasn’t selected, so he set up a reality television show where he murders the contestants.

If that doesn’t make you not want to see the movie, let me give you a little bit of information on the first really poorly done part of this movie: the opening scene, in which Furlong goes to get his revenge on the girl who didn’t choose him in the reality show.  Furlong says that he was on an extreme makeover show so that people would never again see the face that didn’t get chosen.  Then you see a clip of the Bachelorette style show.  He looks the exact same.  I think something was lost in translation between the script and the director.

Cruel World got as close to nudity as it could without showing anything.  You see two people having sex.  You see all of their skin that isn’t ass, vagina, boob, or penis.  You see nipples through shirts, but never without the shirts.  There is a lot of underwear and bikinis, yet no toplessness.  Oh, wait...one girl does get topless, but you only see her from behind.

The same goes for the violence.  The only real violence that you see is a guy getting stabbed, and a cow being cut apart.  Other than that, it happens off screen, is implied, or has minimal blood for what happened.  A woman gets decapitated yet her head is as dry as if it had been bloodless in a morgue for months.  It was not what I was expecting from a kill after kill movie.

I wouldn’t be doing my non-job if I didn’t bash Edward Furlong a little bit more.  He’s the protagonist of the film and the bad guy.  Don’t give be any “protagonist is the hero” crap.  A protagonist is the main character, the antagonist is who is against the protagonist.  Anyway, Furlong needs to seem threatening.  The way he looks and acts is not threatening.  The way he talks is not threatening.  The only threatening thing about Edward Furlong is that people are dying.  I didn’t feel afraid of him.  I was laughing at him.  Not the character, the actual actor.  He’s terrible.  I don’t know how to describe it.  He did not fit the character’s personality at all.

I don’t want to write about this movie anymore.  It’s not worth much else.  Here are a couple descriptions I had throughout the night:

“Do you know how I know I like to torture myself? I am turning on a horror movie starring Edward Furlong and Jaime Pressly about reality tv.”

“Cruel World is the movie equivalent of the douchebag star of any reality show ever.”

 “Cruel World is like I got a 13 year old mentally handicapped child with a sugarhigh and told him to make me a horror movie.”

Each one of those seems fitting.  I would recommend never seeing this movie.  If it is for some reason on a list of movies you feel that you need to watch, I’m going to first question your sanity, and second tell you to remove it.  Do not watch this, it is a waste of an hour and a half.