Work Stories: Episode 3: Say Hello To My Little Friend

Previously in Work Stories, I told the tale of an old woman, her broken television set, and how I came to her aid and got it working again.  It was a tale of overcoming an obstacle.  There was struggle.  There was agony.  There was an unplugged television set.  It all came together in the end as I walked out triumphantly, with a couple of dollars in change sitting in my hand.  This week, I tell another tale about another time that I was at work and something happened.

It was late October, 2011.  It was either the 29^th or the 30^th of the month.  That is an important detail in this story that I’m going to fill in with lots of words that don’t need to be there.  It was a weekend.  That’s also important.  The final weekend in October means that there were Halloween parties going on.  Obviously, I wasn’t at any of these parties because I was at work.  If I weren’t at work, I wouldn’t have this story to share.

Perhaps I should specify where I was working for this story, since I’ve told you guys about two places that I’ve worked.  The job I was at when this happened was my current job as a cashier in a tourist attraction.  My job isn’t only being a cashier.  If I’m on a closing shift, like the night of this story, then I also have to make sure that the place is clean.

It was my turn to do the garbage run.  This involves running through the museum (yes, it’s a museum) to collect all of the garbage bags and running them up to the compactor/dumpster.  I never said it was a tough thing to do.  It’s one of the easiest things to do, as long as there isn’t any sort of mess involved.  I went on that garbage run with a smile on my face.  I hurried right up to the garbage depository.

Now, let me give directions here.  The dumpster isn’t directly out the back door.  Well, it kind of is, but nobody uses the back door because it sucks.  We would get locked out.  We all walk the garbage around the building.  We have to go through the parking lot and open a gate to get where the dumpster is.  This is the way I went to the dumpster.  I had to wade through the drunken masses that were either going to or coming from the Halloween parties nearby.

It was upon my return from the dumpster that I saw something that will forever stay in my memories.  This isn’t something that you would normally see, anywhere.  My two eyes spotted it and opened wide.  Walking through the parking lot was an eight foot penis standing next to a six foot hand.  That’s right.  It was the masturbation combination.  They were walking through the parking lot towards me.  It was shocking.

That’s all that the story is.  Yes, I could have summed it up into the line “I passed a giant penis and a hand while taking out the garbage.”  That would have been a whole lot quicker.  It isn’t about the ending of the story though.  It’s about the journey, not the destination.  Without the journey, you wouldn’t have the details.  Where would you be without the details?  You’d have an extra two minutes to your life.  Who wants that?