Second Annual Mustache Marathon Awards Part 1



The time has come today.  Awards are here, I have to say.  They wouldn’t happen any other way.  They are not happening yesterday.  I do this for free and do not get paid.  Time has come today.

Welcome to the next in a long line of awards for marathons on the blog.  This time around, I will be commemorating the best and worst in the second annual Mustache Marathon.  There will be some surprises, some not surprises, some upsets, some not upsets, some winners, some losers, and some reading involved.  Pause your movies, turn off your television, and sit back.  You’re in for a fun ride tonight.  Not a mustache ride though.

The first award of I will award this time around is the award for the best song.  There are a few runners up that I would like to note before I get to the winner.  The first runner up is the song Hooper from the movie of the same name.  It’s a fun song.  The rest of the runners up are any song from This is Spinal Tap that didn’t win the award.  The winner is also from This is Spinal Tap and it’s a great song that I liked before I ever saw the movie.  Obviously, this song is Stonehenge.  It rocks, it’s funny, and it rocks.  Congratulations, Spinal Tap.  You guys have won an award in the second annual Mustache Marathon Awards.

Now we move onto the worst of the marathon with the award for worst actress.  I’m not doing any runners up for the marathon because I don’t want to point out the bad, outside of the winners.  That goes against my love of movies.  I’d rather promote the good than the bad.  So I’m only going to say who the worst actress is instead of giving a list of bad actresses, then saying who the worst is.  Dum dum dum dum.  The winner of worst actress in the second annual Mustache Marathon is Butterfly McQueen in Gone With the Wind.  It has nothing to do with her name, which I didn’t know until now.  The reason she wins this award is because she was irritating.  Not the character.  Her.  She irritated me the entire time she was on screen.  Congratulations?

What comes after the worst actress?  Of course I’m moving onto the worst actor of the marathon.  This one is a fairly easy pick for me.  One performance stood high above the others as the worst male performance of the Mustache Marathon.  That performance came from one man in one role in one movie.  He made me want him gone.  That man was Tommy Lister, who played Zeus in the movie No Holds Barred.  Words cannot fully describe how bad I thought he was, so I’m just going to move on.

It’s that time of the awards.  It’s time for some rapid fire awards.

Best joke – “How many Marios are there?” Super Mario Bros.
Best prop – The piece of Stonehenge in This is Spinal Tap
The Michael Rooker isn’t crazy award – Tombstone
The award for putting a still photo in a motion picture – The Gold Rush
The award to equalize all awards – Mr. Baseball
This smells like a James Bond movie award – Hooper

The final award of this portion of the second annual Mustache Marathon Awards is the award for the worst movie of the marathon.  If you were following along throughout the marathon, you likely already know what the winner, or loser, of this award is going to be.  It was a movie that I really did not like.  It has already won an award.  Mind you, only one movie hasn’t won an award yet.  The movie is No Holds Barred.  The Hulk Hogan starring flick is about as bad as you can get in this marathon.  I hope to never see it again.

This brings us to the end of this half of the Mustache Marathon awards for the second annual Mustache Marathon.  Come back next time as I bring you the best actor, actress, movie, and mustache.  There will also be a few other awards along the way.  See you soon.

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