Second Annual Mustache Marathon Awards Part 2



It’s been a long time coming, but it’s finally here.  I’m here to kick off the second half of the second annual Mustache Marathon Awards.  It’s been a wild ride and it’s all coming to a conclusion now, as we celebrate the best acting, best movie, best mustache, and a few other things as well.  Why don’t you sit down, take a minute, and see what decisions I made.

The first award up is the award for Best Actress.  This was a tough award to determine since the Mustache Marathon primarily involved men.  Men are the people that tend to have noticeable mustaches, so it would only be fitting that they take most of the main roles in the movies for this marathon.  That said, there are some notable women in the marathon.  The runners up for the award include Olivia de Havilland in Gone with the Wind, June Chadwick for This is Spinal Tap, and Sally Field for Mr. Baseball.  The winner is none of these, though, and was an obvious choice from the beginning.  Vivien Leigh undoubtedly gives the best female performance of the entire marathon.  I really dislike her character, but that’s what acting is about.  Acting involves investing the viewer in the character and what is happening, taking them on a ride of emotions through facial expressions, physical mannerisms, the way dialogue is spoken, and overall personal aura.  She got all of these as perfect as possible in the movie.  That’s how Vivien Leigh is the best actress of the second annual Mustache Marathon.

From there we go onto the Best Actor award, which is even more difficult to award because of how many great or enjoyable performances there were from the men throughout this marathon.  I’m going to say that the runners up can be simplified as Chaplin, Gable, the male cast of Tombstone, and the members of Spinal Tap.  I’d also like to throw Leguizamo in there for Super Mario Brothers.  But the winner is someone that isn’t one of those.  The winner is Tom Hardy.  I shouldn’t need to explain this one.  Tom Hardy out performs anyone in the entire marathon with the tour-de-force that was Bronson.  The physicality involved, the dark comedic sensibilities, and the intimidation that he needed to portray was there by the bucket.  I don’t know if that makes any sense, but I’m going with it.  It was an amazing performance.  Well deserved win for Tom Hardy.

Before I get to the rapidfire awards, I’m going to finish of the trifecta here with Best Movie.   From a stance of scope, thinking of the movie from when it was made, and the technical feats of the movie, Gone with the Wind would be the winner.  But it’s not.  The Gold Rush does a lot with the limited resources it has.  Good acting, great comedic set pieces, well shot, and amazing physical performances.  That didn’t win either.  Bronson had the best performance of the marathon but that doesn’t mean it was the best movie of the marathon.  Tombstone has a lot of great performances, fantastic dialogue, and it was well made all around.  But that didn’t win either.  The winner, for me, had to be This is Spinal Tap.  Great music, great performances, funny as anything funny, and did I mention the great music?  It becomes a no brainer when I think of it like that.  The best movie of the second annual Mustache Marathon is the comedy classic, This is Spinal Tap.

Now, after you got through all of that, we have the rapidfire awards.

Strangest dialogue moment – “Dookie?” in No Holds Barred
Those aren’t koopas award – Super Mario Bros.
Paxton/Pullman award – Bill Paxton in Tombstone
The punctuation award – Mr. Baseball for the period in Mr.
Full frontal award – Tom Hardy in Bronson, multiple times
The movie that I could rewatch more than the rest as a background movie – Mr. Baseball

And we have now arrived at the final award of the second annual Mustache Marathon Awards.  What better way would there be than to end the awards with the award for Best Mustache.  This is the award that this marathon was made for.  Not literally.  This marathon was a competition of facial follicle fortitude.  There is the Chaplin, the Selleck, the returning champion Reynolds, the Grant, the Hardy, the Russell, the Elliott, the Paxton, the Shearer, the Boothe, and the Hogan.  All of these men brought the mustaches to this marathon.  Only one of them can stand triumphant.  That man is Harry Shearer.  If you want to know why, watch This is Spinal Tap.  You will understand everything.

This is it.  This is the end of the second annual Mustache Marathon, and the end of the second annual Mustache Marathon Awards.  I would like to thank all of the people who have been reading through everything.  Seeing my page hits go up and up brings a smile to my face.  I hope to see you next month when I attempt to get the awards for the Marathon of Shops done quicker.  See you then.

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