Fourth Annual Mustache Marathon: Week 1

Every November, I hear people talking about how they aren’t going to shave because they want to raise awareness for prostate cancer.  At least, I think that’s what the whole Movember thing is about.  But I also think that the people are using it as an excuse to be lazy when it comes to removing their facial hair.  Hell, I’ve used the excuse myself.  I never raised awareness.  I’ve just not shaved for November because I felt like not shaving for November.  Anyway…

I’m not going to try and say that I am raising awareness of any sort this month.  I’m not really doing that.  What I am doing is taking this facial hair fixation and using it to dictate some of the movies I watch during the month of November.  That’s right.  I’m going to spend the month diving into movies starring people known for having mustaches, or movies with just plain damn interesting facial hair.

This month of mustache movies has happened with me for the past four years.  I’ve seen a lot of movies during these marathons and so far this year hasn’t been any different.  Some of the regulars in the marathon have already shown up in this first week.  Tom Selleck and Hulk Hogan made their annual appearances.  Yet there have also been a few movies that didn’t have the usual suspects in them.  And no, The Usual Suspects is not a part of this marathon.  Not only do I not remember a mustache in it, I also try not to double up on marathon movies.  That one was already featured in an Overlooked Movie Marathon.  The first one of those marathons, I believe.  So it can’t be here.  But do you know what can be in this marathon?  These movies:

Major League

I was in the mood for some comedy when I decided to begin the fourth annual Mustache Marathon with Major League.  I just wanted a laugh, and boy did this movie deliver.  The performances throughout the movie are top notch, the personalities of each main character stand out in a movie filled with great characters, and the slapstick jokes hit as hard as a batter hits a ball to get a homerun.  The movie doesn’t fail to put a smile on my face for the entire runtime.

I chose the movie not only for the laughs that I knew it was going to provide, but for the mustaches within it as well.  There are a few great mustaches in the movie.  Most notable are the mustache worn by James Gammon as Lou Brown, the coach of the Cleveland Indians, and the mustache worn by Peter Vuckovich as Haywood, the best batter on the New York Yankees.  One is there for the entire movie and one for key baseball games.  Both are defining characteristics of their respective characters.

Thunder in Paradise

What is a Mustache Marathon without Hulk Hogan?  I had to choose a movie that Hulk Hogan was in and I wanted to get that movie out of the way as quickly as I could.  Why?  I’m not sure.  I was going to watch Santa With Muscles this year but chose not to because it wasn’t close enough to Christmas for me to appreciate that movie as much as it deserves.  By appreciate, I mean that I wanted it to not feel too early for the holidays.  That’s why I went with Thunder in Paradise.

Thunder in Paradise is a direct-to-video television movie that worked as a pilot for the series of the same name.  It starred Hulk Hogan as an ex-marine, I believe, who travels through the Caribbean with his partner Bru.  The two of them protect people, find treasure, and use their high-tech boat to be cool as all Hell.  It was created by the people behind Baywatch, and the sensibilities that they bring to the show fit with Hulk Hogan’s style.  This just might be my favourite Hulk Hogan movie that I’ve seen.

Quigley Down Under

One of the most famous mustachioed men in the film business is Tom Selleck.  The guy goes hand in hand with his facial hair.  It’s hard to imagine him without it.  That’s why I try to watch a Tom Selleck movie every time I do a Mustache Marathon.  This year is no different, as I chose to watch his western classic, Quigley Down Under.  In it, Selleck sports both a mustache and a little hair under his lower lip.  It’s a look I’ve seen before, and one that takes a little getting used to when watching him.

The movie itself is a fun little western about a cowboy moving to Australia for a job only to find out that he hates his boss’s beliefs.  This gets him in trouble with his boss, who leaves Matthew Quigley in the outback to die.  The only problem is that Quigley doesn’t die, and works his way back to the ranch, protecting any Aborigine that he can along the way.  Alan Rickman is great in his western role.  It’s a role I never expected him to have, but he soaked up every second of it.  The movie is a lot of fun.

So that’s it for the first week of the 2014 Mustache Marathon.  Three movies have been watched so far.  There are many more to come.  I still have to hit up some of the Mustache Marathon alumni, such as Burt Reynolds, Sam Elliott, and Charlie Chaplin.  So you know they’ll be coming up sometime in the next three weeks.  As for the rest of the movies that make the marathon this year, it will be movies with mustaches that stand out.  The mustaches are like characters in themselves.  This is a marathon to celebrate that hair that grows above your upper lip.  And you’ll be seeing a lot of that hair in what I watch.