Friday, April 18, 2014

Work Stories: Episode 70: Bad Moon Rising

In the previous Work Story, I wrote about catching people having sex in the museum bathroom.  I wrote about how I made everything awkward and got them to leave on their own terms.  I wrote about how I knew it was going to happen before it happened.  That was that Work Story.  This is going to be this week’s Work Story.  Fasten your seatbelts.  This is number 70.

I’d like to take a moment to remind you why the 70th post in the Work Stories saga is an important one.  Way back at post number 10, I decided that each Work Story post would be about the three-ish weeks of my life I spent working at two New Year’s Eve concerts in my city.  I say three-ish weeks because it was about a week and a half each time, and it was twice that I did it.  Therefore, it’s about three-ish weeks total.  I’ve written about the loading dock problem, the lighting tower collapse, the squirrels, the coworker having sex with another coworker’s mom, and a few other things.  Okay.  Two other things.  I’ve written about a bunch of stories from the concerts though.

This week I’m going to let you in on another Work Story about working at those concerts.  This one involves some travel.  Why?  I don’t remember.  I have no idea how we ended up where we were.  Really.  I do not know how.  But we ended up in a van, driving back to the concert grounds.  There is that.  This will probably be a quick Work Story.  Who knows, though?  I’ve been known to ramble on so that the Work Story seems longer than it really is.

We were driving back to the concert grounds when someone had a great idea.  They turned to the guy in the front passenger seat (not me) and coaxed him to moon the next pedestrian that we passed.  We’re mostly high school kids volunteering because we need our hours for our diplomas, so we’re all laughing and pressuring him into mooning someone.  He agrees to do it.

As we’re driving, someone points out some people walking on the sidewalk, going the same direction as the van we’re in.  The guy stands up on the seat, hunched over.  He pulls down his pants.  The driver honks the horn and the pedestrians look at the van, seeing the ass hanging out the window.  And then the passenger seat guy says to go.  The driver speeds up and then slows right down to a stop.  We were at a red light.

Immediately after mooning the pedestrians, we are stopped at an intersection.  It gives the pedestrians enough time to walk up alongside us again and stare at the van.  Maybe stare is the wrong word.  They were glaring at us.  A bunch of immature adolescents driving in a van mooning people.  We deserved that glare.  The light turned green and we were on our way again.

What did I tell you?  It was a relatively short Work Story.  There’s not really much that you can do with “We mooned some people this one time” when you don’t remember why you were there in the first place.  Do I regret being involved in this?  Not at all.  I look back on it and think it was a stupid, rude thing to do.  Of course I do.  But it’s a relatively harmless thing to do and I was a stupid teenager.  What do you expect from teenagers? They’re going to be stupid and immature like that.

So, that’s it for this week then.  Not an exciting Work Story.  Not at all.  Really, it wasn’t even something that I needed to share.  There’s no emotional depth to it.  There’s nothing entertaining about it.  It was a stupid moment of teenage immaturity that I thought I might as well share for the sake of sharing.  Even if it didn’t need to be shared, I felt like putting it out there.  Next week I’ll try to find something better to write about.

Until then, yeah, my uncle's been on COPS a lot of times.

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