The Seven Sins Movie Marathon Awards Part 1


Dum dum dum dum dum.  That’s the theme music, so you can guess what time it is.  It’s time for the Seven Sins Marathon Awards or the Sinnies as the hip kids like to call them.  I’m your host, JurassicGriffin, and I shall be taking you through the marathon showing the best and the worst of what I watched.  This is going up late because I get busy in the summer and like to watch movies and television.  Sue me.  Here we go with the first award.

The first award that will be presented is for worst actress.  This is a tough award to give out since the marathon was filled with good movies and good performances or, at the least, movies and performances that weren’t bad.  That makes any worst award a tough one.  The runner up is Rachel Weisz for her role in Envy.  She wouldn’t normally be there, but I think it might be the worst performance I’ve ever seen her do.  The winner, or loser, of this award is Lucinda Jenney in Thinner.  I remember nothing of her performance other than I didn’t like it.  Sorry Lucinda.

Now it’s time to get onto the award for worst actor.  I’m finding it tough to figure out a worst actor for the marathon.  Perhaps I could go with any of the criminals from Death Wish.  That doesn’t seem quite enough for the award though.  A worst actor award that encompasses an entire group of performances that actually weren’t all that bad?  No.  I will not.  The award can go to Stephen King in Thinner.  Once again, it’s not because he’s all that bad.  There just aren’t any standout bad performances in this marathon.

I need to break apart these worst of awards to give the next award for the Most Fitting Movie For A Sin in the Seven Sins Marathon.  Thinner comes to mind as very fitting for gluttony.  The main character gets cursed with losing weight because he eats so much.  It’s fitting.  But it doesn’t win.  Envy encompasses jealousy quite well through a character being envious of a friend’s good fortune.  It doesn’t win either.  A Night to Remember is a great representation of pride, but loses out to the winner.  Shame is perfection when it comes to highlighting a sin, in this case lust.  No other movie, in my eyes, has encapsulated a sin as well as Shame since Wall Street covered greed.  Congratulations Shame for earning your first and perhaps not last award.

Time for the quick fire round of the Sinnies.  Let’s get a few quick awards here before getting into the worst movie of the mararthon.

Canucker Award – A Night to Remember (happened off the coast of Newfoundland)
Playing With Fire Award – Office Space
The Movie That Made Me Think of Scrubs – Office Space
Is That You? Award – Jeff Goldblum in Death Wish
Best Opening Credits – Se7en
You Have My Stapler Award – Office Space
Flan Award – Envy
The Award For Most Male Full Frontal Nudity – Shame

While your mind goes back to thinking about Michael Fassbender’s schlong, I will continue with the awards show.

The worst movie of the marathon is a pretty easy pick.  It’s already won multiple awards.  With the winning of worst actor and worst actress, it would be wrong of me not to give the worst movie award to Thinner.  Therefore, Thinner wins or loses, however you see it.  Have fun with your awards, Thinner.

Next time, we’ll tackle the best of the marathon as well as some other stuff that hopefully you and I enjoy.  See you then.

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