Things I Learned From Movies 5: Jason Lives


I guess it’s been long enough.  Even though there aren’t many entries between this one and last time I did one of these, it’s been a while for any entries.  Why not start off with one of my favourite kinds.  Things I Learned From Movies returns.

This time, I’m going to tackle the remake of Friday the 13th.  The thing I learned from watching this remake was that you should never run after the guy holding the machete who clearly just killed your friend.  This lesson must be learned.  You can’t avenge the death of a friend by running into the open and getting yourself killed.  It just doesn’t work.  Think things through a little better.  I’m sure you can make a more appropriate plan that may not end in your blood being spilled all over the landscape.

This lesson is an important lesson in horror movie survival.  Do not panic.  Do not do irrational things.  Think them through, straighten yourself, then bash the hell out of Jason’s head like the little child Corey Feldman inside you.  Don’t just become another notch on the Voorhee’s bedpost.

I guess you could translate this rule to pretty much any horror movie.  There is always that person who runs head first into the situation with little to no way of getting out.  The person who is basically just there to get killed and has no other purpose to the story.  You can’t let that be you.  Defend yourself.  Grab a weapon.  Make it a good weapon.  Not a frying pan.  You’ll need to get within close range of the killer to use it.  Pick something a little bigger.  Just find something that keeps you out of range of the machete, and allows for good movement in case he throws it.

All in all, it’s a simple, quite obvious lesson.  I don’t know what else I can say about it.

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